Lonely Hoop

When I was younger I never envisioned myself playing basketball. Whenever I did play it was a virtual calamity that featured me swiping at the ball, missing jump shots, and looking more or less like an escapee of mental establishment. As such, I realized that basketball was not my thing, nor could it ever be .
I just didn’t have the desire or the ability.

As I matured, I realized that I could keep myself out of basketball games by being in the wrong places at the right time. In layman’s terms, that meant arriving late for pickup basketball games, and always leaving before a new game could begin. If by some stroke of misfortune I ended up playing, I had a solution for that as well:

Flee from the Ball… It is Evil.

Usually, when players want the basketball they use their hands as a target by playing them in a position to catch the ball. They also run to open spaces on the court to put themselves in the best position possible to catch the ball. I knew I did not want the ball, therefore, it became a matter of running to spaces that were occupied and keeping my hands low rnough that I would never be in a position to catch the ball. Interestingly enough this anti-basketball strategy actually led to me learning how to mask my deficiencies and become a more efficienct basketball player.

For this essay, let’s say that you are a beginning or intermediate basketball player. You don’t know much about the sport. You know how to dribble a bit and you know how to shoot, but that is about it. How do you convince your teammates and opponants that you are a better basketball player then you really are?

Number one — If you are not a very capable offensive player you must put yourself in positions to be successful. For example, if you can only shoot within 10 feet of the basket, make sure that all of your shots are within 10 feet of the basket. If you can only lay up with your left hand, make sure that you put yourself only in positions to lay the ball up what your left hand. In other words, do your best to never put yourself in positions to shoot outside your range, and never try to do things that you can not consistently do.

Number two — If you are not a very strong ball handler don’t try to dribble the basketball up the court. Many players dribble way to much. In truth, you should only dribble when you are trying to get closer to the basket for a better shot, get yourself into a better position for a pass, or to bring the basketball up the court. We have already established that bringing the basketball up the court is probably not a good idea. Therefore, you are left with two options:

A: Dribble to get a better shot

B: Dribble to get a better pass

Number three — Be a Defensive Deity. When you play defense you should keep your eyes on your opponent’s torso at all times. Do not watch the ball. Do not watch your opponent’s feet. Keep your eyes fixated on the middle of your opponent’s torso. Doing so will allow you to stay in front of your opponent, and ensure that he or she will not be able to get easy scores.

Don’t waste energy going for steals or attempting to block shots. Going for a steal or block is a high risk – high reward maneuver. It is high risk in the fact that if you miss the steal or the block, you place yourself out of position to properly defend your opponent. Being out of position will make it easier for your opponent to score a basket, or pass the ball to someone that is in a better position to score. For most players the risk far exceeds the reward, as most players do not have the foot speed or agility to recover once the block/steal is missed.

KISS

Finally, when in doubt remember to (KISS) or Keep It Simple Stupid. Basketball is usually not a life or death experience. Minimize your mistakes, stay within your skillset, but above all, just try to have fun.